So I have been setting at home and finding some things to do. I go out for coffee a least once a week. And I also have been seeing my new friends that I have meet in Calgary. I been think of religion and how it plays in our lives. I believe in God but I not a church goer. I believe that I don't have to attend church to know that there is a God. Nor do I need to go to church to to say this what I believe. But I like the thought of going to meet new people and meet new friends but, I also do not like the thought of meet those so righteous people that they sit there and preach the Gospel of Christ to you. So maybe this why I do not attend church either. What ever the reason I just been thinking of it. I guess maybe to make sure that I enter in heavens gates when I die. To know I have spot in heaven after all I am aging and I not getting any younger. Anyway is there any church out there that I totally believe in. Where I might think they stand and they pray to little. I s there a church that I would believe in one hundred percent of the way and never straying away from it? I don't think so, I believe that every church out there has it people that attend and say this not right but I am a follower so there for I will trust in my church not do me wrong. Then once you go how do you know that you are going to the right church with so much religion in the world and every church believing there is only one way in to heaven and it is there way? I guess the best thing to do is do is o what is right and believe that God loves with out conditions and he forgives those that ask for forgiveness of their sin. Then God loves each and everyone of us. This what I been taught so then why should I have to to church to prove it? I guess it what ever makes us happy. So then why I have I been thinking of religion it actually because of someone I meet while I was in Calgary have treatments. Because of this person got a death sentence she was telling me how she never went to church of years how she strayed from her church and now wondering the importance of it. Wondering if it was to late for her because she never attended church. I said to her you are good at heart you have never done any thing that God can not forgive you for. He is loving God and with that I said you should know that the door will always be open to you. Believe in Good and you believe in God. What do you think?

How to stop Caring

Since I got home, my mother and younger sister are on the outs with me. I have been on the outs with them as well, since I could not deal with them. I know that they both lost their husbands last year, at this time and are going through the rough times. And they are still grieving and I am finding all the happiness I can in the world. I looking for colours and finding the the flowers and finding the joy in life, while they are still in the mud.
Being on two different spectrum s of life. One wishing all the best that life can give them, and the others wondering who is to blame for all there sadness, pain, and sorrow. dusting themselves off only to find more mud.
My sister said to me, She would rather that have the cancer . I said," that is just stupid who ever wished that they had cancer"? Not anyone I can think of. I believe that since my brother-in -law died. I have lost my sister. Not really but she trying to erase her old self. She has changed her name, lost so much weight the a size 0 doesn't even fit her.Brags that she only eats about 4 Tbs of food for a meal. She doesn't speak to her son and clings to the simple thought that she needs a man. That a man is the only thing that will make her life better. And there is nothing wrong with the way she lives her life right. Right
What they are not getting is . In order to be happy it comes from the inside of each and everyone of us. I can not give you happiness. And you can not give me happiness. Happiness cames of the inside out. It is not things such homes, cars and money. Having to put someone down to make yourself feel better, or having to make yourself to be something you are not. It's about laughing at yourself, loving your imperfections, and learning to have fun rather then to be poking fun at someone else. It's about finding love with in you. Happiness is how we treat ourselves if we love ourselves then we can love unconditionally. Once we have true happiness then we treat each other with respect,dignity,and compassion.
My mother and sister have yet to figure that out and until they do they will not get where I am at. I am happy I would be a lot more happier if we could all get long as family but that has not happened in the last 48 years of my life so, and till they get it it will be a dream. And they refuse to get the help they need to get there. And they refuse all help.
Seems like I waisted a lot of time and energy trying to get them to that point. So, how do I stop caring does anyone have answer how does one just stop caring? Now there is a book.