For the last two days I been recovering from the biopsy, nothing hurting just the mental part of is there are isn't there something, 4 more spots can not call the lumps because they are just forming. Three were found in the first mammogram and fourth when they were doing the mammogram biopsy. Lost 4 pound in the last two weeks and not looking good. If you know nothing about breast cancer one you tend to lose weight and secondly to many spots. As I have done radiation in the past they will remove if any spots or lumps are cancerous. That is just how they do things. Where are they well imagine that you breast is a clock starting at the top of your breast. Now  imagine a line from you nipple to the top of you collar bone that would be twelve o clock it works the same as clock as you go around the breast. So now they tell me I have one one o clock that the one they found while doing the mammogram biopsy which is the biggest one. Size of it unknown. The second one is at 11:00 and third at 10:00 and yet another at 7:00 wow. I know what you are think what the hell. If I had my time back I should of had it removed. It is in the same breast as before left. I wish I could express how I feel some days why not understanding it as it was not to happen, and yet there are moments that you head goes into feeling okay. Crazy shit I know. I decided to plain my funeral why you may ask? Because when treatment begins some times during that treatment one become to sick and to ill and some times they die so if I want to be prepared for the good and the bad. There are three things we know for a fact in this life one we were born, the second we have pay taxes, and the Third we have a some point in this life we have to die. Now is a good a time as going to get. Only 5 people know right now and the rest will learn or wont when I get my test results back. I know I repeat myself but this how I educate you and let out some feelings as well. No one knows what one go through and each of  that has breast cancer has story of our own not one story is the same like not one cancer is the same. I do not know if lymph-nods are effected by it ( these are like the sweet glads the release the sweat they are the tigers that inform you body to sweat) If the cancer is in the lymph-nods this mean cancer can spread to any part of your body in breast cancer it is usually brain, and lungs that are effected next. I was think of bucket list last night to do things that love to do this week end I want to play pool with husband and go for a few drinks, dance and laugh. I hope I am up to it  as my neck is still sore and I been having  a lot of headaches because of my neck. Well I off to shower and then to off the hockey game. Life is good hug one another and let bad shit slide by. Life is to short smile more laugh more and hug each more think of Christmas more love less fighting.

2013 January 23,
Imagining wow came sooner than than expected thought June but, here we are pics and pics and more pics, I like pics of people and places I been but pics of the inside of breast after breast cancer always leaves you wonder, so far so good until today. and the roller coaster ride begins again. You always wonder how bad is it, and one never knows until the biopsy. That will be next Wednesday at 7 am and I will not get the results until February 7th. Wow so much going on at the same time neck, stomach and breast, my calender booked with appointments. Numbness builds in side of me, and life is do what you can and find the happiness in each and every day no, time to wonder "life is all about ups downs and twist and turns, it what we do with our lives that count. love and be loved. Fun what am I going to do for fun go to Hockey game tonight and enjoy my husband.