For the last two days I been recovering from the biopsy, nothing hurting just the mental part of is there are isn't there something, 4 more spots can not call the lumps because they are just forming. Three were found in the first mammogram and fourth when they were doing the mammogram biopsy. Lost 4 pound in the last two weeks and not looking good. If you know nothing about breast cancer one you tend to lose weight and secondly to many spots. As I have done radiation in the past they will remove if any spots or lumps are cancerous. That is just how they do things. Where are they well imagine that you breast is a clock starting at the top of your breast. Now  imagine a line from you nipple to the top of you collar bone that would be twelve o clock it works the same as clock as you go around the breast. So now they tell me I have one one o clock that the one they found while doing the mammogram biopsy which is the biggest one. Size of it unknown. The second one is at 11:00 and third at 10:00 and yet another at 7:00 wow. I know what you are think what the hell. If I had my time back I should of had it removed. It is in the same breast as before left. I wish I could express how I feel some days why not understanding it as it was not to happen, and yet there are moments that you head goes into feeling okay. Crazy shit I know. I decided to plain my funeral why you may ask? Because when treatment begins some times during that treatment one become to sick and to ill and some times they die so if I want to be prepared for the good and the bad. There are three things we know for a fact in this life one we were born, the second we have pay taxes, and the Third we have a some point in this life we have to die. Now is a good a time as going to get. Only 5 people know right now and the rest will learn or wont when I get my test results back. I know I repeat myself but this how I educate you and let out some feelings as well. No one knows what one go through and each of  that has breast cancer has story of our own not one story is the same like not one cancer is the same. I do not know if lymph-nods are effected by it ( these are like the sweet glads the release the sweat they are the tigers that inform you body to sweat) If the cancer is in the lymph-nods this mean cancer can spread to any part of your body in breast cancer it is usually brain, and lungs that are effected next. I was think of bucket list last night to do things that love to do this week end I want to play pool with husband and go for a few drinks, dance and laugh. I hope I am up to it  as my neck is still sore and I been having  a lot of headaches because of my neck. Well I off to shower and then to off the hockey game. Life is good hug one another and let bad shit slide by. Life is to short smile more laugh more and hug each more think of Christmas more love less fighting.

2013 January 23,
Imagining wow came sooner than than expected thought June but, here we are pics and pics and more pics, I like pics of people and places I been but pics of the inside of breast after breast cancer always leaves you wonder, so far so good until today. and the roller coaster ride begins again. You always wonder how bad is it, and one never knows until the biopsy. That will be next Wednesday at 7 am and I will not get the results until February 7th. Wow so much going on at the same time neck, stomach and breast, my calender booked with appointments. Numbness builds in side of me, and life is do what you can and find the happiness in each and every day no, time to wonder "life is all about ups downs and twist and turns, it what we do with our lives that count. love and be loved. Fun what am I going to do for fun go to Hockey game tonight and enjoy my husband.  

Well the test results came in and I cold not be happier it is only fat on my liver thank God for that, I will have stomach scope done to see why I am having pain when I shouldn't be having pain. They are quick because, i had cancer before and they know a whole lot more than I. I just hope it all turns out alright

Okay here we go again, third time around, it seems it never ends once it start it keeps on going. This time there will be no cure, this time I really hope that it isn't just like any time before. I am so tired of the x rays the waiting the not knowing. I have crocheting a table cloth keeps me counting stitches in stead my mind wondering all over the place. This time is not like the last time, this time it feels different knowing that I do not have Cancer again, I feel good I do not feel sick, I didn't last time either. This time I just had heart burn for years and throwing up, taking Tums like they were candy and yes the stabbing pain in my chest was my gall badder. So I have gall stones no big deal, the big deal is when the doctor told me as pressed on my chest it should hurt and did. Was it the heart burn because it was bad. The very next day alter-sound, they found several spots on my liver, no big deal it not like I am a small women everyone gets them, no big deal. They look so concerned worried more so than me that should worry me right, no I was not okay a little. That was Nov 12, 2011. Now I can't sleep I for got to get my pics for the surgeon dam it Alter-sound and Ct scan done now they want a MRI. I have a MRI this Monday and I am scarred. Why because I got my results that I have read over and over again looking what information I could on the computer. This there will be no radiation treatments, this time they may do chemo this time dam well be fat cells |I can handle that. No Cancer you will not be coming back. Not this time I fought you last and I won you didn't you damn well leave me alone. If could only hear if only had a voice what would say to me. I had so much happen in the last year my neck gave way so, I couldn't work and now this seems all I do is fight fight so I could go back to work and still can't and now waiting for one more test one more operation, one more result. I hope that it is not what they think and I have to think it not but, always there nagging away is it or isn't it.

Independance

March 30 2011 Found a lump

Okay everything was going fine until today. I had an appointment at the cancer clinic and yes they found a lump in the left breast once again. Setting me for mammogram. Then they will do a testing to find out if its cancer. Between arthritis in my neck, and not being able to work because I can not lift anything more than 5 pounds and now this.Waiting is the hardest part because you don't know.Time will only tell, I will not worry about it I will just do what what I can do and that is all that I can do. I also know that if the cancer has returned that they will remove the left breast completely this time. I will have to Chemo and that is just how they deal with it. I will keep my spirits up and hope for the best and will keep up with my blog as events arise. I have a 50th Birthday coming up so I need to start making plans for that.

Well it not quite one whole year and thing are looking a little out of sorts. I now feel a little bit cockeyed. I now find that my bras do not fit right at all one fit. I feel like my body is turning towards the left. Why is that well after radiation treatment you tend to lose a little a little bit of you boob because the radiation heats the fat and firms the boob so now I have one that is 44DD and the other is 40DD so to correct this I feel I have to get to bars and sew them together or get a boob job done so today I made appointment to see plastic surgeon. I happy with that I don't know if it is to early or if they will do both or one but I hope what ever they can do will be better in the long run so I can relieve the pain I have in my neck and shoulders. I haven't been able to work for the last couple of days, because the pain is so bad. I will see him on later next year but, I will be so happy to be able to see my toes when I stand up.